Reflective evaluation of the skills of counselling

Reflective evaluation of the skills of focal pointThis essay is a meditative evaluation of the skills of rede applied to overtaking and ruefulness in a students process of learning how to blend the journey of the therapeutic relationship with the client. The essay provide contain checks of verbatim examples from during the practice session in which Steven Felice is the client, and Caroline Roberts the proponent. The essay will also discuss via relevant literature the process of person-centred counselling in the focus of red ink done bonds of appendage and continuing bonds.The practice session excessivelyk place in counselling room two, at ACAP on the 21st of April 2010, between Steven Felice and Caroline Roberts. Steven cute to discuss the loss of a friendship. This friendship for Steven was a friendship that had begun in early childhood and carried a intricate bond of attachment, for which Steven is determination the loss hard to accept. During the session I spent t he majority of the time listening to Steven and reflecting as beaver I could the content and emotion of his experience. When dealing with loss in relation to friendships it is important to offer the client the same obligingness to emotional depth of transportion as that of a person experiencing loss from a death.For Steven the loss of significance surrounded his childhood friend no longer wishing to be as close as usual due to her recent change of religious affiliation. For Steven this seems difficult to accept, as he was willing to try to understand and acknowledge her needs and she seems to pitch rejected him. He also seems to line up loss around his confidence with how he relates and interacts with people, which appears to be trust related issues. Almost a loss of innocence has been triggered by the loss of this important attachment bond. Loss is such an immense bug out of life history and loving that it would be difficult to counsel without an accord of the theory of att achment.Mallon (2008) suggests understanding attachment in grief and loss counselling is essential due to the basis that all human relationships be found in attachment, from the first attachment to ones mother, ex hightail iting through lifes interactions to include those called friends and lovers. Neimeyer, Baldwin, Gillies (2006) discuss how with the loss of a love one, people tend to keep the attachment alive and well within their memories, stories, dreams, images, and even music or ornaments. When a love one is no longer in bearing, then the attachment and relationship changes that it does not lay off to exist, the relationship is merely rewritten or shifted to another(prenominal) reality or perception. As is the case with Stevens relationship, at 1604 Steven says, he fights in his own head when asked close to the whether he is still maintaining the relationship, which would seem to indicate rather clearly that he is continuing the bond and relationship even though she is unaw atomic number 18 of this.During the session I felt I established rapport, and was show with Steven, as well as using active listening, reflection, and questions, although I could drive phrased these more than appropriately, I also apply pipe down to allow Steven his thoughts. I dont know that I was able to apply a structured assessment during the session, as in trying to purposely ply on coping skills, support systems, and spiritual or cultural dimensions. However I line up that we talked about these issues in the course of the session as reflection, active listening and questioning allowed these issues to come into play, especially when silence was used, allowing Steven to process and actualise his sense of spiritual linkup and personal experiences and expectations.I would like to reflect on my skills as an awaking, a process of realisation about how one is appropriate in be curious, respectful, congruent, empathic, and sacrifice simultaneously, without deriveting in ones own way.Rogers (1942-2008) suggests that the counselling relationship provides a safe respectful environment in which the client witnesss contented and accepted enough to express their smellings knowing that the counsellor will not referee them, but will listen and support them. As a grief, loss and bereavement counsellor I feel it would be very beneficial to hone my skills around person-centred counselling, with particular focus on attachment theory and continuing bonds. Person-centred counselling is such a great grounding for doing no harm, as it is based in Rogerss core conditions. Tolan (2003) describes the core conditions as requiring the counsellor to be mentally and emotionally present and get through themselves from the clients story by simply listening without judgment or bias, with respect, congruence, and empathy, no forgetting unconditional positive regard. Bryant-Jefferies (2006) explains front line as a line of communication whereby both client and counse llor are empathically aware of each other. With the felt presence, the most significant element would be whether or not the client feels they are being understood, which can be demonstrated with appropriate reflection.During the session I felt that Steven and I were in a place of empathic contact, established through good rapport, and staying as present as possible. I feel I can improve my sense of presence as time allows skills to become second nature, as right now I often get in my own way by curse about whether or not I am demonstrating all the necessary skills. For example my art of reflection still needs to develop as shown with these examples C 0627 so youre missing the previous way of life of relationship and interaction that you had from. S yeah, yeah I need that Some of my language could probably be improved by saying I sense you are missing the closeness of your relationship. Also I need to be mindful of using words like so, as it can carry a feeling of judgement if the tone is not just right.Another example C 0947 so you just said that, if I go back to you saying, that you are asking yourself about the relevance of retentiveness someone, now youre sort of talking about the boundaries and stuff, is that related. S ah, by keeping someone and having boundaries as such, I feel like it, like when I meet a new person now.. Again I begin with so, I think I actually begin nearly every reflection with so. banknote to self do not say so. The reflection would be better if I phrased it I check you questioning your feelings towards getting close to another cloaks you, which seems to be bring up the need for boundaries, could you reassure me more about that. round 0845 I ask so was she an intimate friend or I made Steven uncomfortable as you can see by his body language, where instead I could have asked could you tell me more about that, or what did that childhood friendship mean for you. The art of the question is another skill I need to practice, especia lly with careful open questions instead of closed blunt or, the too intrusive kind of questions. Nelson-Jones (2009) suggests that even though some background information can help the counsellor understand the clients background, open questions allow the client to express their story how they wish to, instead of the counsellor run into their agenda. Respect is the underlying need in all questions with open questions such as, what does that mean for you, being a respectfully gentle asking for the clients meaning, and also another way to monitor counsellor curiosity with respect to the client.I could really hear that Steven attaches to people very deeply and quickly or easily, and I wanted to explore that with him, but alas my skills in how to achieve that need practise. Attachment is such a deep seated need and reflex that helps one find and express love that I feel its wideness cannot be overlooked. Russell-Chapin and Smith (2008) talk about the undeniable reality that love and lo ss are part of the whole experience of human attachment,with the point being that the more attached the relationship the more the loss may be felt and experienced. In addition they discuss how beneficial it can be to tell stories, and share our losses, as a way of continuing the life of ones loved one, for which the word anamnesis is used to describe the experience of remembering and representing our recollections and experiences of shared living with our lost loved one in the present moment. Here I relate to continuing bonds as there is sometimes no escaping the thoughts that float through ones consciousness and replay events, conversations, images, and special moments. Attig (2000) summed up the experience as the continuing of ones affiliation with those one loved when he stated the richness of lasting love consoles us (p283). Such words truly express how much sense it makes to keep on loving, keep remembering, keep dreaming, and keep sharing the memories of those we love, whose bodily presence is no longer tangible. Continuing bonds with ones loved ones also brings up how much attachment plays in relationships, for if no attachment is felt, no meaningful relationship exists, and therefore no need to miss or remember.Around 1410 Steven begins telling me how his friend is involved in certain religious practices. At 1422 I reflect C So youre worried about her. Steven continues his story and I feel it is important to listen and use silence here as I sense he faculty need to hear his thoughts process this. Geldard Geldard (2008) express how new counsellors often find silence difficult because they are worried about appearing to demonstrate the skills required. However once the silence has become a comfortable reflex the counsellor can allow the client the precious moments of reflection often needed to mentally sit in a thought and own the feeling. Palmer Milner (2003) suggest that silence can be a very supportive musculus quadriceps femoris for the client t o contemplate their thoughts when used appropriately and respectfully in a comfortable measure.Silence is a skill that requires self acceptance and a certain measure of self-confident comfort to be able to sit with the client when they require a moment to contemplate. Steven, reachn a moment to silently think then begins to reflect on his own spirituality in connection with the reactions he is experiencing. Walsh (2004) suggests that in some cases a person may be grieving their spiritual connection to self, brought into awareness by an experience of loss. As does feeling the loss of physical, emotional, or relational, connections, this could in turn affect ones ability to find some resolution within ones life. This is not surprising considering spirituality is one of the concepts that give life meaning in death as it does in life. Walsh (2004b) goes on to explain that peoples spiritual beliefs bedevil generations and evolve and develop, as family cultures evolve and develop, embe dding and adjusting values and beliefs that surround not only life and love but also death.When I look at the experience of loss Steven has shared with me, and consider how I could have explored this more to address his coping style, support system, spiritual or religious beliefs, as well as his cultural influences, I am not sure at my level of competency in 20 minutes how to achieve all of that whilst respectfully listening to his story and allowing the client to lead and own the session. Johns (2005) cites Rogerss who states The dot to which I can create relationships which facilitate the harvest-home of others as separate persons is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself (p5). This statement is a very powerful truth to which I feel as a counsellor is the aim of self development and a very necessary terminal to practice and reflect constantly on the skills. Johns (2005b) explores some of the ways in which counsellor skills can be practiced, including personal counse lling, doing practice sessions, keeping diary of skills development, taking risks when practicing to develop confidence, thereby, learning to relax and own the space of self within the counselling dynamic.Personally I have volunteered at my local church to get actual practice and develop my confidence as well as my skills. I also take that going through the process of being a volunteer within the counselling realm will also help me to understand more about myself and where I wish to focus my future as a counsellor. So here in lies how I intend to move forward to becoming a better counsellor and person.To conclude this wonderful and challenging self reflection, I would like to acknowledge that I am growing as a counsellor. I am learning how important the theories and models associated with bereavement are vital to allow a counsellor to be of actual assistance to a person suffering. I am confirmed through my research of the theories and models, that love and attachment are vital in l ife, death, and counselling. beingness able to workshop my faults and successes is also a vital process in the development of my use and understanding of not just the skills but why they are so important, particularly in the field of counselling in loss.